Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts

In Dating 101 Lifehack Relationships

Dating 101

Someone has emailed this to me just now and i believe it is worth sharing so here it is. Im on mobile and im writing this with my tablet so i haven't dug up who authored this just yet. Credits to the original author. 

Date a man who dreams. Date a man who doesn’t spend his money on drink, or clothes, or video games, but saves what he has to go on adventures and pursue his dreams. He might have problems dealing with everyday things but no-one sees the possibilities life holds like he does. This is a man who is ready for anything, who will drop everything on a moment’s notice to run away and get lost somewhere with you or show up unannounced to whisk you away on some crazy adventure. Date a man who sees the world in millions of colours, who has his head in the clouds and his feet on the ground.

Date a man who hasn’t got the money to spoil you or shower you with gifts but finds a way to do it anyway. You can trust that he’ll find a way to touch your heart and make you feel special in new ways. He knows that words and gifts aren’t what matters. Every time he gives you something or writes to you he is giving you a piece of his soul. And every time you give him something or write to him he will truly treasure it and understand the effort you put in to choosing the gift, the words, or even making it yourself.Date a man who sees how amazing you are even if you don’t see it yourself, who sees how good things could be for you. Because a man like this who can see the end goal, the big picture, will keep on going because no obstacle can compare to what lies ahead. 

Date a man who believes in true love, in romance. He will dream up incredible fantasies that the two of you can bring to life together. He will take you places other people can’t even imagine. Date a man who believes in you, because he will help you believe as well. He will see echoes of you in every thing of beauty, and he sees beauty in everything. A man like this will always think you’re the most beautiful girl in the world and will always be there for you.

Date a man who reads books and comics, who watches films and cartoons, who laughs at stupid jokes and knows when to fall into a reverential silence and drink in the moment with you. You can just be yourself with him and he’ll just be himself. He’ll understand why you love the things you do and he’ll appreciate them and be interested in them too, even his own passions lie elsewhere. He understands your whims and desires, because he’s seen them acted out in his mind. And whatever the scenario, no matter how bad things get, he sees how the story ends. And because he sees how it ends, he knows that all tragedies are overcome, all villains vanquished and fears are banished, no matter how desperate the situation may appear. Better still, date a man who writes.

Date a man who can’t be pigeon holed into any one category, who can mingle in any crowd but doesn’t truly fit in any one scene. He’s an individual, a man who knows what it takes to stand out from the crowd and who doesn’t mind being judged or thought of as different. That’s why he will never judge you or make lazy assumptions about you. That’s why he will always see you as your own person, as a unique and wonderful individual.Fail him. Let him down. Hurt him. He’ll do the same to you: but he knows that this is just how things go. He knows that life is made up of ups and downs. He will understand that when you lash out at him or push him away, there are many reasons why. Instead of getting mad or retaliating he’ll try and make things right. He knows when to apologise and admit to making mistakes. He’s also quick to forgive because he knows how easy it is to make mistakes. He understands that your flaws and vulnerabilities make you beautiful and strong.He knows that perfect harmony doesn’t exist and that nothing is forever. He knows that you see this too: he sees beauty and freedom in this and wants to help you see it too. He knows fear and embraces it. He knows sadness. He knows his many flaws. He is prepared to adapt and to change because he respects your values and your opinions. He knows that nobody is perfect but that doesn’t stop him trying to do his best. He knows that love needs to be worked for, that relationships are a constant flow from love and laughter to arguments and conflict, that like all things the good times come with the bad and that the dancing and loving and laughing are worth the fighting. He wants you to be happy even if it means not being with you, but in his heart he believes that he can make you happy like nobody else and so will do anything to be with you.

Date a man who remembers every little thing about you, who is intuitive, who can see when you’re happy or sad, when you need cheering up or when you want to get away from it all or just forget everything for a while. He sees everything about you. He understands that you’ll be a different person from moment to moment, that you’ll change your mind and your mood without warning. He knows that you can switch between being a baller shot caller, a kawaii otaku, an artistic auteur or a femme fatale in the blink of an eye, an that they are all a part of who you are. He loves and pays attention to each and every aspect of your personality, from the girl who needs to be cuddled and cared for to the woman with her own needs and desires.

Date a man who fights to be in your life no matter what. A man who values you and believes he should be with you will only see that you are scared of how much this could mean for both of you. This kind of guy who will always be there for you when the times are tough, who is always looking out for you even when you’re not together or when you cannot see him. Date a man who will always believe you should be together: a man who will never give up on you no matter what. Date a man you’re scared to date, precisely because you cannot think of a reason you should be scared to be with him.Date a man who knows that this isn’t about him, but about you: a man who loves you with his heart and soul. You deserve it.

Date a man who dreams. Who dreams about you.Or better yet, date a man who lives his dreams.

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In Lifehack Motivational Relationships

Do You Need To Be Loved? Or, Love To Be Needed?


Instead of writing about personal rants today, i want to share to you this great article by Ken Fields that i was reading while having a car wash earlier this morning. 

I'm sure you have heard couple's of all ages say to each other "I love you." You would probably like hearing it said to you, if it's not already. Sometimes when one person says "I love you" to another person, the response is "me too." I find that an absurd response. What does it mean? That I love me too? A more appropriate response would be "I love you too" and even that isn't terribly poignant. It's kind of like someone asking "how are you" and you say "fine." It's automatic and somewhat meaningless. If someone significant in your life says to you "I love you" a good response is "to hear you say that makes me feel wonderful" or "I believe you and when I hear you say that I feel so good." 
What makes matters worse is that our culture uses the word "love" extremely loosely. We love that movie and we love that car and we love that restaurant and we love that song and we love that book and we love that place and we love that pair of jeans or that shirt or that dress or those pair of shoes......We're just so filled with love!! And yet we have the arrogance to think that we can actually make love! Love, like money, is not made, it is earned. The only place that makes money is the United States Mint. Everyone else earns it (or steals it which requires some effort, so it's working for it). . 

Our culture is linguistically impoverished when it comes to love. We really only have that one word to convey something which is more than a feeling; love is more like a state of being - as in "being in love." You can tell a spouse that you care for them, trust them, respect them, need them, want them...you could even tell them you would do anything for them, even die for them, and they won't perk up until you say you love them. It's as if the word "love" is a drug and unless we hear that word spoken to us, we continue to crave it. Nothing else will do. Traditionally, there are three types of love: Eros which is erotic love, Phileos which is brotherly love and Agape which is spiritual love. In this modern world, all we have is love. And, although the popular Beatles song "all you need is love" may be true, we need to uplift love from its mundane, overused, misunderstood place in our culture to a recognition of its true stature. 

Too often, when a person says "I love you" what they really want to hear in response is the same thing. They are actually saying "I want to hear you say you love me so I'm going to say I love you." And then you are supposed to say "I love you too." Or, the ridiculous "me too." The phrase "I love you" though, is generally not true. It would be more honest to say "I like you a lot" or "I feel very compatible with you" or "I feel very comfortable with you." However, a much more honest replacement statement for "I love you" is "I need you." Of course, that doesn't go over as well as "I love you." Yet, it's much more truthful. Our need to belong, to be connected, to be intimate is very strong. What we often love in the other person is that they are satisfying a need of ours to be connected to another person. Our need to be connected motivates a great deal of our late adolescent and adult behavior. However, the satisfaction of that need to be connected is not necessarily love. Love is, by definition, unconditional positive acceptance of any person at any time under any condition who might be exhibiting any behavior. And, as a people, we're not very good at that. We may not approve of the behavior; however, to love is to accept the person, without judgment, criticism or complaint. Although we can talk about "tough love" it might be better to call it "tough caring" as love is not tough - or rough. Nor is it bitter sweet. To quote I Corinthians (13:4-8a)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

So, the question then arises, when we hear all these couples say "I love you" what's really being said? The answer, I believe, is "I need you to need me." And, there should be no shame or guilt or embarrassment in needing. Everybody needs others. No one likes being alone. We can deteriorate mentally and emotionally when alone in much the same way the body withers away without food. We need companionship, friendship, partners, colleagues and acquaintances. We need to belong, to be part of and contained within something larger than our individual self. We often mistakenly think that by hearing someone say to us "I love you" that all our needs for belonging and connectedness are met. They are not. This can become evident after several years of a relationship or a marriage when one or both parties find themselves needing more than the relationship can offer. Then, thinking another relationship will provide the satisfaction sought, we find ourselves entering another relationship only to find several years down the road that this new relationship by itself too does not satisfy the belonging needs. 

If in fact we need to be loved, that need will be satisfied through belonging. We can belong to, and participate in, a family, a company, a community, a society and even global endeavors. By belonging and participating we will grow to feel loved by others (in the brotherly love sense of the word) and the need to be loved will be satisfied. If in fact we love to be needed, then we can have what we love through the very same activities as those that satisfied our need to be loved. For by participating in family, community, professional, social and global endeavors, we become a needed part of the larger whole. Participation in activities larger than our individual self satisfies our need to be needed by others. 

The answer to the question that is the title of this article is both. We need both to be loved and we love to be needed - we need to be needed. Being needed makes us feel that we belong. Belonging makes us feel loved. We can achieve both by the single path of participation in something larger than our individual self. Whether it's family, work, community volunteer work, social activism or a little bit of each, we can find our need to be loved and our love to be needed satisfied. From that satisfaction, we can begin to love others. We can even share that satisfaction with a significant other making our primary relationship based on belonging needs that are already at least in part satisfied rather than placing the entire burden of that satisfaction on the relationship itself. This kind of primary relationship can last a very long time and does contribute to happiness.

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